PureCountryMusic.Com Blog

I love Halloween. I love that AMC has 7 days of horror films, entitled Fear Fest. I love that Comcast has a slew of horror movies to rent on their On Demand feature. I pine to be scared. I grade most Horror movies on a curve, taking account for the over the top gore and tounge in cheek humor. However, I would have rather seen a horror movie produced by Michael Bay than the tripe i sat through. It’s my own fault. I chose to rent Trailer Park of Terrorfrom Comcast. I love cheesy horror flicks. I grew up watching movies like Toxic Avenger and My Bloody Valentine, so I didn’t go in expecting too much. Ok, the only real reason I rented this movie is because of the first actor that was listed in the plot synopsis. The name Trace Adkins piqued my curiosity. Of course, this was the only real “draw” that this film had. It stars Nicole Hiltz(poor man’s Jamie Pressly) as Norma, an underprivileged young woman who is trying to leave the trailer park for a life with her well-to-do fiance. However, her boyfriend gets into a tussle with a trailer trashite, and is impaled upon a fence post. Norma is severely unstable after this incident and runs away. She runs across the Grim Reaper/Satan, played by Trace Atkins. She is given a chance for vengeance in exchange for her soul. Death gives her an assault rifle/shotgun(probably forged in the fires of hell) to exact her revenge on her unsuspecting neighbors. She then rigs her trailer to explode, killing herself in the process. Later we are shown that this type of vengeance comes with a price. Then we are given a montage of disappearing truckers that have traveled along the highway that leads right to the trailer park. Up to this point, the movie isn’t entirely unwatchable. The movie fast forwards to the present. It centers upon a group of troubled teens who have just returned with their pastor from a rehab camp. They have a bus accident and try to get help at a nearby trailer park. Do you see where this is going? The seriousness of the first 10 minutes of the film is replaced by an ill attempt at B Horror humor. Trailer trash zombies(who are really just ghosts with tangible body parts) led by Norma, begin to wreak havoc on the teens. There is some funny gore, but the scene in which a teen is skinned alive for ten minutes is just overkill(heh, heh). The special effects weren’t very special. I have seen better make-up on Panic At The Disco. Trace Adkins does nothing special. He just spits out a line of dialogue and then is never seen till the end. There is no defining hero in this movie. The one survivor is a girl. Is everyone else tired of this theme in horror movies? Why couldn’t the jerk have survived? That would have been a nice twist.

Now here is my pitch for a horror movie. I would not just use one country artist, but the whole entire cast would be today’s country stars. Here is the premise. The newest Opry member is found brutally murdered in his/her dressing room. The only lead is that a lyric from a Hank Williams’ song is left at every murder scene. Today’s hottest stars begin to drop like flies. Brad Paisley is found hung by his guitar string. Keith Urban is found, apparently bitten by a Brown Snake(which is only indigenous to Australia). The only evidence of Taylor Swift’s demise is one severed arm and blood-drops on her guitar. The police are stumped. Near the end the killer gets sloppy and tries to take on Trace Adkins. He is just too much for the killer to handle. There is an epic battle between the two. During a struggle Trace removes the Roy Acuff mask and recognizes the killer. The maniac breaks free, but Trace hurls a mike stand and impales him. The police rush in and discover that the killer was Hank III.